Friday, April 22, 2011

Lessons from the Bad days

Waiting to be struck;
Yelled at, dismissed.

Any word I say....
Rejected, Inflamed.

Running away…..
Will he be there at the top of the stairs?

Strangely grateful for the glare, the stares, and the judging.
Transforming me from victim to mother bear, protecting her cub.

Wrote this "poem" on the transit yesterday. It was a day, a day where I pray for it to end as quickly as it can. A day where my otherwise joyful son, my otherwise loving, kind son forgets how to be calm, forgets how to process anxiety and takes it all out on his safe person, Me.

Someone I love so much, attacking me phsycially.. pulling hair, pushing, kicking. Someone I admire so much, attacking me verbally.. "I hate you! Go away!

I try to be quiet, no talking, no emotion. Continue walking, and he'll follow. Get where we need to go, then get home as fast as we can.

Any moment, that he feels opposition from the world, it's kick MOM, push MOM, yell at MOM. I walk, I be quiet, I try to soften the corners he'll come across.
I feel fear. Get us home Universe. Help us get home without emotions getting bigger. His body, his movements.. large and out of control. Spinning, whirling, jumping off walls, literally! Looks from all around, judging, whispered comments that probably have nothing to do with me, but stab me in the heart.

My victim feelings start sloughing off, and I feel protective. "Leave him alone" I want to shout. "He has autism.. he's actually wonderful, you just don't know!" It makes me stronger. My spine lengthens and I become 20 feet tall, ready to protect Jordan from "them".. those who moments before may have wanted to protect me. It saves me, to be his protector. It saves us, that our conflict is no longer my center. It saves Jordan, that the focus is off him, and he can possibly begin to unwind his anxiety.

We begin to heal, when I move back to Mother, away from victim.

Because.. I'm not a victim. I'm Jordan's partner, so far in life. We're here to help each other grow. And we are. Growing, becoming more, together all the time. When the hard days are over, and a few days have passed, I know I've grown again, for the better.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Special needs kids have a BC Government problem!

Background news

April 13th article in Langley Advance about a 6yr old with Autism kicked out of school.

An April 15 letter to the editor commending the teachers who refused a 6-year old with autism as too dangerous:

And a column announcing that the BC government has a "special needs


Dawn Steele - wrote this beautiful letter

Is this "beat up on special-needs kids" week at The Province?


Teacher Jill Ewart applauds "brave" colleagues who rejected a 6-year old

with autism as too dangerous to teach. Columnist Mike Smyth announces the

BC government has "a special-needs problem" because these kids consume

teachers' time, "taking away from other children who need help."

Right, blame the victims! Imagine deeming cancer patients a threat to

healthcare because they divert attention from other patients?

Actually, kids with special needs have a BC government problem. And a

teacher problem. Provincial policies have cut 25% of Vancouver's special

education teachers since 2001,despite a 33% increase in special needs

students - a BC-wide pattern. Without special ed training or support,

regular teachers like Ewart are failing 20% of the students they're paid to teach.

Kids with special needs -- like all kids - misbehave when adults fail to

set boundaries or understand their needs, not because of labels like


What's the answer? Holding cells where challenging kids only hurt each

other (because as second-class citizens their safety and education don't

really matter?) Fixing classes by writing off challenging kids isn't a

solution. Train the teachers and restore classroom supports.

Dawn Steele

Vancouver Parents for Successful Inclusion

825 West 23rd Avenue, Vancouver

604 874-1416

- FROM A COMMENT THREAD - I was dismayed but not at all suprised to read this A'hole's opinion.. which unfortunately is too common..

from Alex

Autistic kids should obviously not be allowed to be teached in the same learning enviroment, or close to the same learning enviroment as a generally normal student.

The people with the parents are selfish and are extremely rude,

- Autisim interupts learning activities

- Scare's children who do not understand their condition

- Can led to an uncomfortable learning enviroment

I can understand the "attempts" Of trying to assimilate the child into the education system, However the education system was never designed to accomadate these children, If we are not only looking at that, the parents should feel "inhuman" to allow their child to suffer infront of the other kids, I do believe autistic people still have feelings.

I believe a specially designed private school for Autistic children should be opened in a majority of B.C districts. If the parents can not afford, Then the goverment should help them with the funding.

April 15, 2011

12:01 PM


It's all so disturbing to me. I feel so sad for the family in Langley. It so easily could have been my family. I was happy to note that the SEA (special education assistant) assigned to be his helper, was NOT one of the people who complained. They know better, they know how to help kids work things out, when and how to leave a situation,they have empathy, understanding and respect...

When my son was in public school (cringe) he had an amazing SEA, Mrs. T, I'll call her. She was excellent at being with my son. The problems would come when it would be her break time, or she would be called away to help others and he'd have to be with a Teachers asssitant, or other untrained person, who wouldn't take time (and wasn't given the opportunity to take the time) to understand and respect my son.

Even though she was assigned to my son, they'd change his schedule, put him with this horrible woman who totally didn't get my son while Mrs. T was busy, then wonder why he'd fly off the handle. We only had Mrs. T one year, the next year we started with someone new, Mrs. T could consult, but it wasn't the same. Incidinces, misunderstandings grew and grew.. and since everyone blames the kid who can't speak up for himself, my son was called difficult, agressive, etc. etc, meetings upon meetings, picking him up sometimes 20 min after I dropped him off... ARGH..

No more.. we did 3 months of grade 2 in public school, then i said we quit!

We registered with a Distributed Learning Center. We are essentially homeschooling, but connected to a "school" where we can choose to attend some classes if we want, with other kids, go on field trips, arrange our own get togethers with others.. all the familes are accepting, respectful, open....

I understand I'm blessed to work for myself, so homeschooling was available as an option for me. It's not easy all the time, some people ask "how do you do it?" In the long run, it's easier than the alternative. And, we're both so much happier that the efforts required are an easy payment. I can't imagine where we would be, if my son would have been forced to stay in school.. I'd guess the cover of the Langley Advance!

I'm grateful that life has brought me the lessons, the challenges for me to learn empathy, caring and love for other humans of all abilities. I'm grateful to have a huge loving heart. I feel bad for those close minded, terrified people out there, hiding from the "different" Life will keep smacking them in the face with lessons until they come to realize they are no better than anyone else, only different. And different is not less...

And in response to Alex's comment (Autistic kids should obviously not be allowed to be teached in the same learning enviroment, or close to the same learning enviroment as a generally NORMAL student) .. Normal is a dryer setting AHOLE!